Hmm… I have been in strange mood this last week. I have been feeling a bit conflicted about being so open with my thoughts. In the five months since I started writing here I have struggled with discomfort and slight regret when it comes to the things I post from time to time, but each time I catch myself thinking that I should tone it down a bit I am contacted by someone who has been touched by something I say here and it reminds why I started doing this.
Yes, this whole thing began as a way to keep myself from smoking. I thought that if I posed the possibility of public humiliation for myself it would keep me from smoking again. Well, I know myself pretty well because I have been a non-smoker for five months now, but what is even more amazing is the fact that me being so public about quitting has encouraged three of my friends to quit and several more have told me that I have inspired them and they too would like to quit. That is awesome!
As you know, I write about a lot more than my struggle to beat nicotine addiction and the more I write, the more personal my subject matter becomes. As I said, this is something that I am a bit uncomfortable with after I have sprayed my thoughts all over the interwebz, but the more I show the nougaty squish-ball that I try to hide from most of the world, the more people I seem to reach. This is a conundrum of sorts because I really don’t enjoy exposing my soft underbelly, but doing so has resulted in two of the most amazing conversations I have ever had in the last two weeks and I feel humbled; humbled and grateful for the friends I have in this world. So anyway, thank you to all of you who are being so kind and supportive. It is awesome and I appreciate it. Also, if you don’t like what I am talking about here you are welcome to piss off. No one is forcing you to read this.
OK, on to my weekly update. Last Thursday was my one week on weight watchers and I was down 3.8lbs. That is pretty exciting! I am still having a lot of trouble with edema and sometimes my weight can fluctuate as much as 13lbs in one day so I am not actually sure how much I am losing or how much I really weigh. My first thing in the morning, after peeing, and before eating weight-ins seem to be the most consistent from day to day so I am going with these numbers for now.
I go in on Saturday night for my second sleep study… this is to get my CPAP machine calibrated and I am assuming that I will come home with it? I am not sure. Annnnyway, I am really hoping that my regular doctor was right and that the sleep apnea is what has been causing all this damned edema and that the CPAP will fix it. I also hope that I have more energy once I start using the CPAP.
All in all a pretty uneventful week, which isn’t a bad thing! Best part of the week? I got my hair done on Sunday and I love, love, love it! Worst part of the week? My upstairs bathroom toilet started running again! This will be the fifth time someone has come to work on it in the last six months. It is annoying BUT if this is my biggest complaint in the last seven days I think I am OK with sticking my arm in the tank to fix the toilet every time I flush for the next few days.
I am off to bed now. I hope to have more exciting things to tell you about next week!