High Fiving the Interwebz

29 Mar

I so want to high five you all right now, but since I look like a dumb-ass air fiving at my monitor I will just give you all a quick update about the “milestone” I reached today and pretend I can hear you all clapping and cheering. Well, according to Weight Watchers I have reached a milestone…  I am on what they call the tracking system so I track my food daily (which is a huge help to me makes me think twice about my food choices) and I track my weight weekly. I can also track my measurements but I tend to do this less often because it feels a little too much like something that could easily turn into one of those setting myself up to fail situations. So WW, in their infinite wisdom, has a brilliant system in place for weight tracking! They give you little goals and milestones to reach in the short term that make you feel/recognize that you are accomplishing something rather than pining away for that goal weight that is oh sooo far away.

So you get a little star on your chart for your first five pounds and one for each additional five pounds. You get a different star for 25 pounds and then a special new star for each addition 25 pounds as well and you also get stars for reaching a percentage of the weight you want to lose. I really didn’t even realize I was close to one of my milestones so it was an extra surprise when I tracked my weight loss this week got a star for reaching my 5% milestone! It may seem silly to get so excited about losing five percent of the weight that I want to lose but it is very encouraging! Yes it is a small amount, but it means that I am doing it!

Since I started Weight Watchers on January 31st I have lost 12.4 pounds. That is just about half of what I put on in the first four months of non smoking so I think I am right on track with getting rid of that! It is kind of hard to tell that you have lost weight when you see your face every single day so although I don’t like doing my measurements very often, it is nice to do it once a month or so and I was very happy with what I found when I measured myself to day! In the time that I have been doing WW I have lost 1.75” from my waist; 2.75” from my hips, 1.25” from my arms, a whopping 3.25” from my thighs (this could be fluctuating a little wildly due to my battle with water retention issues), and 1” from my bust. The best feeling ever is that my favorite skirt fits me again! But even better than that!!! I just this very moment went into my room and tried on my favorite pants… these are the “fat pants” that I out fatted… the pants that made me decide to start WW because I couldn’t get them buttoned anymore…. I put those mother fuckers on and I closed my eyes and I buttoned them, and then I zipped those bitches up! YES! They fucking fit again! (Sorry mom… the cammo capripants are back again).

You have no idea how great this feels, especially since I have been feeling really down and shitty about myself the last month or so. There is nothing quite like seeing payoff for hard work! The last week in January, when I put those pants on and couldn’t button them, I was crushed and humiliated! In the time I have known my husband have never been bigger than the size I wore when I met him almost 12 years ago. My weight has fluctuated up and down a bit in that time and I have been a size or two smaller, but I have never been bigger than I was when we met until the day that I couldn’t button those pants. In that moment I felt something little but significant in my heart and mind crack just a bit. I have been in a panic since that moment and although I do not in any way feel that I can just rest easy now, I do feel like I am on the right path and that even though I have a long way to go before I reach my goal, I am not letting my husband down (or myself).

I won’t post an update next week but it is for a very good reason. I am going out of town to visit a friend of mine. This is a very big deal because I am going on my own. I am going without my Big Orange or my son or the few friends who I have trusted to go on short weekend or day trips with in the past. I haven’t done anything like this since before I got sick with Ramsay Hunt Syndrome and I am terrified and ecstatic all at once. I use to be the kind of girl that did a lot of things on my own. I didn’t depend on anyone for anything. If I wanted to go do something I just did it! Well, having my mobility limited like I have and in the way I have has put a stop to all of that. Until now!

I am flying to the bay area! I have arranged for wheelchair assistance in the airport, which I couldn’t do this without and I am very thankful that it is available. I purchased a duffel bag with wheels and handle so that I can still get around with my luggage while using my cane. My friend Cindy knows the drill and has promised to take good care of me once I arrive and I am taking a deep breath and just going for it. If I tried to explain what a seriously huge deal this is anymore than I already have I would just sound like an ass so I will just say that I am freaking out in good and bad ways, but I know that I will have a great time and that I will gain a little piece of myself that I thought was gone forever through this experience.

Bonus, I am leaving on my 7 month anniversary of quitting smoking. What a great way to celebrate and reward myself!I will take tons of pictures and when I get home I will tell you all about my trip! Wish me luck!!! See you in a couple of weeks!


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Riding the waves of dual-diagnosis as a parent.

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